Mr. Grumpy's Traditional Fruitcake Recipe

Items needed:

    
4 oz. fruit bits

1 railroad tie

  Wood saw

  Large rubber mallet

  Safety goggles

Wearing your safety goggles, cut a one-foot section from the middle of your railroad tie. 

The resulting block of wood should be the size and shape of a loaf of bread. 

Then, take some fruit bits and pound them into the block with your rubber mallet. 

Spread the colors around or you might wind up with an ugly fruitcake! 

Then take the fruitcake and set it on top of your garage for a year. 

After 12 months, cover tightly in a plastic wrap and give your loved ones the timeless and enduring gift of fruitcake.

   Disclaimer # 1: This is NOT a real fruitcake recipe. This is a JOKE. And I have to say this because there just might be someone out there somewhere who will make it and try to eat it.

    Disclaimer # 2: I am NOT a fruitcake-hater. I like Fruitcake (well, some, especially Claxton's)